A path appears, but where will it take me?

A few years now, I've done some serious soul searching. If you have been keeping up with my blog, you have realized that I have grown tremendously since my advent into pagan life. I have adopted the belief that there is more than one form of the original pair of deity, the God and Goddess, in religions innumerable and in cultures spread across the globe. I have acknowledged that there exists an energy that thrives and channels among humans and other creatures, even through plants. Time and time again I experiment with the feel of the energy, the magic of the world, growing more comfortable every time a spiritual experience comes to a quiet end.

And as I sit at my computer and write, I realized something that I had never considered.

What I have discovered wasn't new at all. I simply re-discovered myself.

The beliefs, the dreams, the lifestyle; I have lived the same way my whole entire life without even knowing it. I recall memories of respecting the earth as if it were sacred, feeling sorrow in my heart watching the plants and animals burn at the hands of humankind, and always having a connection to something deeper and broader that many others couldn't fathom. I have known for a long time that there was a force that thrived present among us, and it doesn't matter that I called it by a different name. I had a deep connection to deity that existed all around me, and still exists among me. It transcends time, existing in the deep realm of our past, present and future, an infinite path of circular motion. Infinity can be both a very small number and a titanic quantity, so much that it can be neither and both at the same time. To know something so wise, ancient, and immense existed among humans was something that came like second nature to me.

But it took a deck of cards for me to realize all this.

I would like to point out a valuable lesson here to many who read my blog--if you never try something out, at least give it a chance, you have a world of understanding to lose.

Of course that doesn't mean to take a swing at every single opportunity out there, there is so much to learn and so little time to do it all. You will simply spend your life whisking away at the surface to miss everything that lies underneath. It works a lot like a pie, the crust is somewhat tastey, flakey, doughy, but it doesn't compare even close to the juicy filling that lies underneath.

On the other hand, if you delve deep into something wrong, bad or evil, you might not come out as healthy or driven as how you started. A conscience is a valuable guide, and we all understand (or rather most of us) a consistent skeleton metaphor of ethics that we decorate with life experiences and lessons learned. So keep in mind your health and sanity while going out there into the world, for there are dangers to be had I can assure you.

What I want to say, perhaps more clear and concise, is never turn a positive experience down when it presents itself in your life. Positive implies perspective, and this means what I believe might be positive could mean an evil to another. This is perfectly acceptable, and I would never imply that someone should think the same as me, or that I should think the same as them. Therefore keep your mind in the right direction and look for the good in things before evaluating the bad. Here with this lifestyle, optimism is key.

So with a strong heart and pure intentions, venture out into the world and evaluate the insight you can gain from its vast knowledge. But act with wisdom, and seek out the light in the world and cast out your darkness in every way imaginable. Exalt yourself from the shadows and climb into the sun.

Act with respect to the knowledge of the universe and yourself, in adherence to the wisdom that exists deep in you, the daring that drives us despite our fears, and the ever pervasive power of silence that dominates all peace in the world.

Drive on with fire in your hearts to light your way and keep you warm. Blessed be.

Single Card Reading 6 September 2015 -- Four of Cups (upright)

You open your eyes after a long and restful nap, finding yourself sitting underneath the shade of a tall tree, its leaves drooping down to catch the specks of sunlight before they reach your face. At this time, crossing your legs, there seems to be a stillness around you that is peaceful. Deep in thought, you rest your back upon the tree, digesting the environment that quietly breathes around you. The soft grass underneath, the blue skies above, the solid tree that supports you, everything exists in a tranquil balance. As you consider these things you find yourself watching a single cloud wafting around in that big blue sky. It seems to move to a wind that you cannot feel, and oddly stands out among all the quiet stillness in a stark contrast to your surroundings. To your amazement, the cloud doubles back and winds itself around in the air, then floats down to you in a manner that appears to be a greeting. Too awed to speak, you simply stare at the cloud, and as a moment passes you see a hand, human in appearance, reach from the mist to offer you a golden chalice filled with a liquid that glowed amber in the sunlight. Entranced by its beauty you lean forward, the amber drink dancing in the chalice with pirouettes and leaps of lively delight. A golden gleam catches your eye, and before you lie three chalices, golden and similar in looks to the chalice being offered to you by the extended hand from the cloud. It is almost as if these chalices were gifts, possibly given earlier by the unlikely friend. Though you are tempted by this amber drink, you find that in your heart you know you must remain at your seat, almost as if moving would disturb your soft surroundings enough to destroy the peace and tranquility. Something else bothers you, as if you were meditating on thoughts earlier, and having not reached the conclusion as of yet you decide to continue, loosing interest in the golden cup offered by the magic cloud before you. Soon enough your trance renders you blind to your silent companion, whom still remains just a breath away with a gift in store.

The four of cups has a distinct similarity to the religious retelling of the Buddha's meditation at the Bohdi tree. Here is an individual that is in deep consideration, almost meditation, at the foot of a tree. Because of their focus and intensity of thought, they lack to see the gift of the chalice offered to them, in addition hardly seeing any of the cups at their feet.

When drawn upright, this card can indicate a lack of motivation and enjoyment of life. This can be the result of several circumstances--not wanting to be a part of the status quo, not achieving anything in particular, not providing yourself enough of a challenge to your daily life in order to truly live in accordance with your purpose. Do not fret if this is you, and if you find yourself in this rut, heed the earlier stated advice. Falling into this ravine of productivity and enjoyment is normal, oftentimes experienced multiple times in life. Everything always balances itself in accordance to chaos, so when life happens and you hit a peak or a rut, harmony and other assortments of forces attempt to bring you back to ground zero, often the force of bringing you back down from heaven launching you down a little further than just zero. In physics people call this inertia and friction, in life we call it "the roller coaster."

If indeed you are mixed up in this spell of apathy be aware that there are several ways to cure this and bring you back to your productive and lively self. And you have definitely heard this before--tap back into your center and remind yourself who you are.

Disappointment, a prolonged struggle, constant stress, and a lack of productivity and self expression can sunder you from your inner core of color, personality and style. The part of you that makes you unique, and in no way reflects your human lesser qualities and failings is what powers everything you dream, plan, and create. This fuels your imaginative cycle and jump starts motivation, happiness and contentment in your daily life.

The answer to your struggle lies within the actions of the man in this card--he rejects all worldly distractions in the pursuit of communion with his soul. And I use communion to mean not only involving this great and amazing part of you in your daily activity, but also growing to know who this part of you actually is. Even if you have a pretty good idea, it is good to practice reminding yourself. No doubt there are times when we lose sight of who we are, and instead of loosing yourself in the confusion of opinions and other people, especially in your work and finances, put everything on hold and reach inside and have that conversation with yourself about who you are. And may I remind you, this is the part of you without any external influence, so to get a really good conversation going maybe find a place where you can be alone with yourself without any distractions. There is no need to have interruptions while communing with yourself; this sort of experience needs to happen with more care and significance than your other outward relationships. If you fail to love yourself, and in order for that to happen, know who you are, maintaining relationships beyond that becomes extremely difficult.

But above all other advice I can give you, you must never worry. When something like this happens, it eventually gets better. Even when you have hit absolute rock bottom, there is always plenty of up to do. This stuff is oftentimes predictable, and is repeated and reflected in everything we create. For instance, ever notice how the plot of your favorite movie or book went? Things were okay, and then they got bad (sometimes extremely bad), but they always got better (those of you thinking about horror movies where everyone dies at the end, yes, I would say that the resulting death is much like a relief in the face of the alternative--constant terror and pain). So who knows when things will get better or worse? Nobody. This life you lead is the movie where you are the star, acting out your role as your inner voice dictates it to be. No one can tell you when things get really bad or extremely good, and any degree of worry on your part will not ease the pressure or stress of any situation you are involved with. Maybe having that chat with yourself will. It may be cliche, but the answers to many of your questions lie within you, each ready to present themselves, only when you give yourself the chance.

Have faith in yourself, have hope in your abilities, and never worry--you act out in the realm of harmony, where even when things get really bad, there are sure to be good moments on their way. Good luck and Blessed Be.

Single Card Reading 17 August 2015--Six of Pentacles (upright)

It is a hot summer day in the city for a couple of beggars who sit on the heated pavement of the dirty streets. Other than a few cautious looks, these impoverished men try their hardest to rest their weary bones, too exhausted from the heat and famished from lack of food that they can barely move. From one of the administrative buildings across the street a man with a generous smile stepped into the hot open air, and he happened to see the beggars sitting on the road. He frowned upon noticing they were unable to lift even a finger on part of their exhaustion, and then he had an idea. Both men were startled to find the rich man standing before them, reaching into his pack rendering a handful of bread crumbs that this man would normally feed to the birds. They approached him, with hands open and begging to be filled, and with a gentle look, he filled their hands with his bread, his generosity filling these men's hearts with elation.

Maybe that is how the picture of this card played out in a story, with people left hungry and starving on the streets to be approached by a wealthy individual who gave them something to help them get by. Often times, we see this happen on a regular basis, the homeless and forgotten receiving aid and kindness from a charitable soul. But the important thing to note here in the card is what the man holds in his hand, which are scales. Scales like these were used in the past to weigh anything from grain to gold, but nowadays its appearance indicates the weight of something else--guilt. The man's actions in this card indicates a just reward for the few souls who have earned it, food and substance that results in a healthy lifestyle.

People can starve on several accounts; they can grow hungry for a spiritual revival, an active lifestyle, or even for something as simple as new shoes. Hunger and poverty in this card can implicate so much more than simply finances, and for each person that draws this card comes a new hunger that needs to be quenched.

Kindness and generosity is the simple truth this card has to offer to its reader, virtues of the Earth signs Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn. The Earthen signs each share in common their stability and sacrificial love, qualities and elements that bring them to life in mysterious ways much like the forests, mountains and canyons around us. Six in numerology is most often called a feminine number, a motherly number, and usually indicates a self-sacrificial kindness that is found often when a mother takes care of her child. This number is also one of harmony, and can function well with all sorts of numbers, mainly because this number is hardworking, seeking peace among all others before resting in a harmonic dream.

With all of this symbolism and hidden truths, the meaning that this card presents to its medium is that of a genuine and gracious gift being presented. Whether the person may identify as the beggar or the wealthy man, this card represents an endless cycle that repeats itself in a harmonic path of life, with one end of the spectrum lending its aid to the other. In this case, it is wealth from a man of accomplishment handing off funds to those in need of it. Sometimes this cycle can repeat itself, by this wealth incurring a prosperous lifestyle to the beggars, insuring that they rise beyond their previous status, enabling them to present other beggars with the same gift given to them.

Receiving gifts and giving gifts is a harmonious exchange of wealth, often given a spiritual overtone of being an expression of mercy and repentance. It is a cultural phenomenon that reaches into hearts and awakens the kindness and grace of people of various race, ethnicity and religion. Charity is one thing that transcends diversity, and brings people together in ways that cannot be repeated in other manners.

Not to mention, the feeling that is received when good is done is remarkable; we all have felt what it means to sacrifice something just for the sake of kindness and charity, and it is extremely gratifying. This is that harmony of number six that loves to make everyone's day a bit brighter.

If you are in a rough spot, it is always good to reach out to your network of friends, you would be surprised what exactly could be offered in the name of grace and harmony. If asked for help, it could be a great day to reach out a kind hand and provide assistance from a higher vantage point filled with a wealth of knowledge.  

Peace and harmony is the natural way of things--aggression, anger and violence often throw the world into chaos. It is common to see the world seek to correct itself when under pressure by an unnatural alteration. Always seek to express harmony and peace of mind in all things you do, even if it takes all the control you have. This can do wonders for everyone around you, not to mention what it may do for yourself.

Walk in the path of the Lady and the Lord. Blessed Be.

Single Card Reading 15 August 2015--Three of Wands (Reversed)

A man standing at the crest of a hill, overlooking a breadth of sea died yellow and orange with sunset, the mountains tracing the horizon in the far distance. Three rods stand at his sides planted deep in the ground, with one firmly grasped in his strong palm. A slight breeze brushes his hair aside but does not have the strength to move his heavy layered robes.

This is something that I can empathize with. For the majority of the Tarot, humans are placed in overwhelmingly symbolic and unnatural environments, some being more relate able than others. When I drew this card its humility and hushed way of speaking brushed over my mind, teasing me much like the breeze does to the man's hair. I have stood like this many times, overlooking a variety of worlds, off in North California, in Colorado, in Utah; from a perch nestled in beauty and strength, I solemnly watch the environment that thrives beneath me.

Just as this man does here.

He silently watches as the world morphs and breathes underneath him, moving in the mystery and depth of understanding that is synonymous in all nature around us. He conceptualizes himself in the mix, and envisions a plan unfolding in the tides and churns of the ruthless and lively sea. He is a dreamer, and a thought-provoking man that is inside all of us, watching the world move around us and seeing himself in the throng, beautifully matching the rhythm of the waters around him.

Three is a number that is repeated in cycles in various cultures and religions in the world. Christians have the Holy Trinity, Wiccans have the law of threefold karmic forces, and three makes up the smallest nuclear family. Even the day has three cycles, the morning, the afternoon and the night. The Christian conceptualization (repeated in many religions of the world) of the existing afterlife has three dimensions interconnected with one another, the dimension of Heaven, Earth and Hell.

Numerology indicates that three is a number brimming with creative energy, full of ideas and thoughts that drive the very nature of art and communication. It is a number of cyclic luck, of everything falling in place in the right time, creating a path of success as each step of the long and interesting journey being taken. It is the number concerning social charm and humor, of friendliness, adventure, and brilliance.

In this card, what is immediately visible is the three rods, silhouetted against the yellow sunset, the strong back of the man that stands looking out to see, and the very fact that he can see the world around him from an elevated height indicates this man is on a cliff or on top of a mountain. The man looks out to the world, seeing things that are invisible to the onlooker--opportunities, challenges, an upwards climb to reach the top of yet another mountain. This man is extremely driven to accomplish whatever success he can already envision, his resolute certainty indicated by his facing out to greet the challenges with abundance of strength and talent. His arm outreached indicates his confidence, reflected in the deeply driven poles that stand unshakable in the ground. Yellow, the color most expressed in this card, communicates a strong surge of joy and accomplishment, and tides well for the man who will set out to accomplish his goals.

Immediately what comes to mind (I think it has something to do with me going to his amusement park three times this summer) is Walt Disney, overcoming obstacles, making great plans, and setting the stage for success, even in the light of struggle and bitter defeat.

But reversed, this card tells a story that plays another large role in our lives, whether we like it or not, that being defeat and resistance. What we have is the poor planning and procrastination of the number three, unruliness and insubordination of risk. This card when drawn in reverse warns of risk of failure in difficult endeavors, such as long-distance dating, business enterprises, and long-term goals.

Before anyone gets to succeed at anything, they must first learn how to do so. A new artist looking for a job might be overwhelmed with bills and lack of available income. A writer might envision a grand book, but not get to break away from a journalist gig to work on it. Walt Disney might set out to go and develop a story line for Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and find he has a shortage of funds. We all run into challenges that we might have not envisioned, or risks we have not been able to foresee. It is commonplace in life if you find yourself in the midst of a challenge or issue that is growing worse by the minute. Just remember that nothing is beyond your ability to accomplish, and use that optimism to seek out a solution to your problem.

Three is still a brilliant number, full of exuberance and genius. There is nothing that can escape its strength of conviction, and that strength is inside all of us. You just have to look for it.

It is some handy advice, though, to undertake some risk management and brainstorming to overcome any issues before they come. This card is associated heavily with travel, indicated by the forward motion of the man in the picture to another place across the sea. Travelling is one phenomenon in human culture that should require the most planning and prevention before any problems arise. Such as if a car is involved, do a functions check on everything--see if the headlights work, the breaks, the horn, that all liquids are filled and all things are operational. If flying by plane, be prepared for setbacks and delays in flight time, and also plan to stay at the airport if a flight needs to be rescheduled. Pack snacks and drinks and always have a chap stick handy. And all this planning doesn't only pertain to travel, but can be applied to everything. Going to class, going to work, going to the library, executing a move, writing a book, painting a portrait, shooting a film. Everything requires planning and forethought, we only need to do what a three would do, and be smart about what we want from our decisions.

And don't be afraid. Never be afraid. Nothing in this world is able to tear you down, as long as you still have that optimism and inner strength to keep you in the fight. You can accomplish anything you want and let dreams take shape and form in the physical world--all you have to do is be determined enough to try.

Single Card Reading 8 July 2015--Ten of Cups (upright)

Happy Wednesday to everyone! My deck surprised me with a nice little card today that I am ecstatic to share with you all!

I drew one of the most marvelous well-meaning cards I believe the tarot deck has to offer--the Ten of Cups! Now, if we were to think of the numbers one through ten as different parts of life's story, one would be the beginning of the story (much like The Fool in the Major Arcana), and ten would be the happy ending, when everything finally works itself out (much like The World). Usually the completion of any cycle is marked by enlightenment, leading to a more fulfilling life as a result. The ten card can mean completion of goals, ideals, spiritual accomplishment, or any triumph during the story the cards tell us.

Unlike what this card might allude, my day hasn't been all that stupendous. Today was somewhat stressful for me (at least it began that way) with an argument between my mother and I. My little sister received some disturbing news that could very well change her college experience for the worst. My father and mother are both crazy worried about her as a result. All of this does bother me, yes. But I've done my time.

The college life is not my battle to face anymore . . . I have my life at Fort Lee, Virginia to look forward to, a new apartment to live in, and a whole life just waiting for me to start living it. I often think out of my entire family, only I have found peace and joy in my life at present. And sometimes that is just how life happens sometimes; in no way do I feel guilty or unhappy because of my victories in life so far. I just have to be aware that I can help my family out with their issues by being positive and not feeding the negative environment around me.

I have found that even my religious quarrel I have with myself every now and then has slowly passed on, taking with it any new fears I might have had about moving forward with my development. This card makes me feel fearless, that all my time in conflict with myself and in conflict with others have been in order for me to enjoy this single moment. I look forward to my day a little more than I did earlier this morning.

Hearkening back to what I spoke about yesterday, for every heavily developed issue with a lot of conflict has to have its resolution in the end, much like what this card offers. In addition, the tougher the conflict might seem, the better that individual is for suffering through it. I have no doubt this card is a reference not only to me and my accomplishments, but a future result of my family's hardship which I look forward to in eagerness.

As you may see, everything in this card alludes to positivity, joy, posterity and harmony on several levels, particularly through the symbolism. Two individuals that share life's gift of love grasp each other in a loving and caring gesture. They appear to have everything a couple could ever want--kids happily playing with each other, a small house in the distance to provide comfortable living, and fertile land to live on with an abundance of trees and a flowing river that steadily travels through the land before them. This particular river is not unusually strong, in turmoil, or experiencing any dramatic friction like a rock or tree limb. This represents the harmonic flowing of emotion between each member of the joyous family (since water typically represents the subconsciousness or deep emotion). In the sky hangs a rainbow which bears the ten cups.

Rainbows are symbols saturated with spiritual, emotional and physical meanings. These marvelous creations have been used to show heavenly approval or compliance with current events, much like after the great flood there was a rainbow to demonstrate God's promise to man in the Christian religion. Also, rainbows are said to house gold in the Celtic tradition, particularly the Irish. When everything is emotionally correct with the world, a tell tale symbol would be a rainbow, often at the end of movies or books when an emotional resolution is met and any conflict resolved.

With all this great symbolism to allude to a positive lifestyle, this card seems to be the greatest message that the recipient has a lot to be thankful for. Take time out of your day and recognize all that you have achieved in this life. Not only have you achieved in the past and are constantly moving forward in the present, but the future is bound to be good and well-lived. You are marked and protected by a great force that deems you to be proper and ready for blessing.

And receive your blessings with open arms! Not only have you worked hard to get here, but your effort is being realized in the boons bestowed upon you. Thank the people that have loved you and supported you during your entire journey. Reflect on those you want to reconnect with, the bonds of life that have made you spiritually and emotionally strong. And don't forget to pat yourself on the back for all you have done for yourself--as much as your family and friends might have helped you, it wasn't their help that made you succeed, but the undeniable courage and determination in your heart that has made you the spark in night you prove to be. Keep up the good work!

Single Card Reading 7 July 2015--Five of Swords (reversed)

Happy Tuesday everyone! I'm back in town from my motor home trip and have decidedly sat down among the scent of books and quiet of hardworking people at the library. Here, there exists a nostalgic place full of warmth and new experiences, hearkening back to a day and age where I was a little girl simply checking out books to read from the children's section. I felt drawn to this place since the day I got my first library card, and have had fond memories of it ever since.

How apt to do a card reading here amidst all the friendly thoughts and experiences that are housed in these ancient walls.

In the spirit of nostalgia, my deck revealed a card to me that has been blogged about already before (I know, 78 cards and this deck is already revisiting cards before I even draw 20 distinct cards to blog about). This card brings me back to the first couple of posts I have done on this blog--I have drawn the five of cards, once again reversed. This airy card has once more drawn towards me again, bringing me news about what exactly I must be experiencing for yet another time.

At the time I drew this card in June, I was in the middle of finals week in college, probably the most emotionally stressful time of my college career--not only did I have petitions to worry about for classes I previously had taken, but I also needed to pass the classes I was already in to graduate. And believe me when I say I needed to graduate. This was probably the most stressful time of my life.

As discussed previously, this card in reverse means that currently there is something experiencing conflict in my life, and this could be anything from a spiritual, emotional, physical, social conflict or an obstacle that has arisen to prolong struggle.

I had all this happen to me approximately more than a month ago. And then the struggle ended. What happened?

Thankfully, I passed my classes, got a pretty high GPA, graduated, and commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Army. Do I lose sleep over graduating college anymore? Do I agonize over my petitions being approved? Do I despair at having to see my apartment in shambles? No, thank goodness no! Its ended, and though I might have thought otherwise at the time, memories of panic and despair over graduation have no longer haunted me. And what a blessing! With the end of my problems, thus ends my panic, sorrow, depression and anxiety. I was able to overcome my obstacles and trials by graduating from college with all my petitions approved and all my classes passed. All the loose ends had been securely tied.

Since this usually happens with most conflict in people's lives, the whole cycle of stress, anxiety, triumph, and then relief seems to be the same for all forms of strife, wouldn't it be logical to eliminate all the pain in this situation and skip straight to the end result of relief?

I leave my readers to answer this for themselves--I don't believe that there is a 100% correct answer to that question. But I am more than happy to share my perspective on this if anyone needs more understanding.

The best thought stimulus is initiated when a thoughtful question is followed by another provoking question. If we were to think of this issue on a larger scale, wouldn't human life be better without pain at all? Forget only ridding the human population of worry and anxiety, what about getting rid of pain altogether? All sorrow, despair, anger, loneliness, struggle, stress, heartbreak, disappointment seems to only serve negative purposes in day to day life. Would we not be better without them?

Wrong! At least in my opinion. Even empty emotions like worry and stress can have purpose in human life. If I didn't get stressed out and worried about my classes I might have not put as much work into studying for my classes, or even studied at all (you procrastinators know what I am taking about more than anyone else).

Conflicts are very helpful in life because of how they develop us as human beings. Maybe it might not feel as good to be in the middle of serious struggle because during that moment of stress it is hard to understand the overwhelmingly positive effects, and healthy and mindful analysis in the heat of the moment takes understanding and patience at a very mature level. But afterwards, when all the drama is over, the benefits received are obvious.

Because I studied so hard I passed my finals and graduated. Since I called and contacted the petitions board regularly I was able to get my petitions approved relatively fast. But beyond the extremely evident results of my work, I also demonstrated a much more capable ability to work hard for what I want. I was able to buckle down and achieve because of my anxiety. I pushed myself to accomplish everything I needed to, and it whetted my appetite to succeed in future endeavors related to this. I also received a huge confidence boost, and was able to look at people I thought were better than me straight in the eye with resolve and soaring self-esteem. I was strong, and I for once in my life was aware of it.

So I understand much more about this card as a result of my past exposure to it--it doesn't only warn against ending a conflict by confronting the problem headfirst or calling quits and taking necessary actions towards ultimate happiness and stability. Whether it is an apology, a consolation, compassion, or in my case determined resolve, the end result of all the sacrifice demanded to end this conflict will grant me benefits and boons that outweigh what I had in my reserves already. I will always be better for it.

And I am sure this pain and exhaustion with conflict has been felt by readers near and far--I imagine some people might be in the heat of a heavily stressful and highly demanding battle right now. Regardless of what it is that is proving to be an obstacle in your life, it is time for you to seize the day, take charge, show mercy, and live to the best of your heart's capability. Enjoy life, even the downs, and take what you can from the experiences the world has to show you to. Good luck!

Single Card Reading 30 June 2015--Queen of Cups (reversed)

Good morning and happy Tuesday! Once more I have found my way to internet and wifi here on this RV campsite, and I am extremely grateful to be talking to all of you again. I miss my daily blogging habits, and will be sure to return to them once I get back home.

An update on my travels since I have spoken with you last--I have been pouring over my pintrest and twitter accounts, getting what little I can attached to the Tarot Daily accounts if any of you follow that. My little sister has just begun her journey in the college realm, and has chosen TCU (Texas Christian University) to be her home. We just finished the orientation yesterday, and I tell you! Two days filled from 8 am to 7pm with information about the school is the longest orientation I have ever heard of! But it just shows how much the school cares about its students and I am happy that my little sister has the opportunity to go to a place where the facutly and staff care so much.

I was mistaken as a student the entire time, though, which made me realize how young I must look still. Having graduated college at 20 years of age has left me with a youthful appearance that does not render thoughts of a recent graduate, but an incoming college student.

It was a learning experience to be mixed in the campus's throng of people, taking in the different perspectives and learning practices. This school was far different from my own though, and I was left a little shocked that colleges are not all liberal like UC Santa Barbara (not that I should really be all that surprised). I appreciate TCU's conservatism for my little sister, because I believe she needs something to give her a more structured perspective and a more constructed atmosphere. But, and I say this with pure intentions, I truly believe that UCSB made the difference to me, and provided things that I absolutely needed to learn and know. I probably wouldn't be the free-spirited, magic-loving, curious spirit that I am today without the constant exposure to everything through the rose-colored lens of the hippie-loving Santa Barbara lifestyle. And I will always miss the beach.

I might even be a little homesick of the place, and the growing disdain I had for living in Isla Vista has been replaced by a hollowness that used to house my favorite hiding places in downtown Santa Barbara or the little shop where I would go to buy my tarot decks. I do hope that my next living place will have me in a location where I can once more find hiding places and drift amongst the curious and spiritually deep philosophies and items of a new and emerging world.

Now! On with the reading today! I asked my deck and the spirits of goodness and light to show me answers to questions I both want answered and still do not know I have. When I drew the Queen of Cups, a familiar presence came over me and filled me with the flowing mysteries and mystic knowledge of the mermaid queen. I have drawn this card before, and like times where I draw a card multiple times, it becomes more and more natural for me to know what they try to tell me.

The Queen of Cups fills me with peace and deep understanding, especially as she stares at her cup, giving such extensive consideration to the content that hides inside. The Queen, being a female representation of the suite of cups, comes to symbolize emotion, feminine intuition, and a female spiritual insight that spurns from a motherly interest in worldly affairs. She sits at the cups of an ocean, her feet sitting on colorful pebbles and stones that have been softened and churned by the changing tides of the ocean. She holds a cup, which looks a lot like the Arc of the Covenant with the opposing angels and cross that rests at the top. She sits at a stone throne, adorned with fish, sea-nymphs and shells. She is dressed in a light blue gown, and wears a cape that mirrors the movement of the sea. She stares intensely at the cup she carries, which holds an innate truth only she is privy to. She represents all that is emotionaly, much like the goddess Aphrodite who was born from the ocean in a shell. She also represents the depth of the unconscious and the strength of intuition, reflected by the water present in the card commonly representing the subconscious in the tarot. Her feminine prowess speaks volumes about the power of intuition and inner spiritual strength.

But drawing this beautifully powerful woman in reverse is a slightly negative message that everything is not going all that well with internal emotions and spiritual expression. For me, I am sure this is representing the bottled up spirituality that I still harbor in my heart, and my lack of discipline to reveal my innermost desires and practices (namely my witchcraft and magical inclinations). I am subverting the Queen's power and influence in my life, supressing the will of my subconscious and the inner strength that wishes to show its colors to people so dearly. I am finding that this feeling is beginning to show itself in the form of emotional confrontation with my mother, since I am most convinced that she will show me the least amount of respect and regard in terms of my religious choices. This confrontational drive is draining the life and spirit from my fellow family members and making the motorhome trip more exahusting and draining than it should be. Everyone is not in sync with one another, which is making everyone a victim of stress and demoralization. I know that most of this spiritual and emotional distress is probably a side-effect of my spiritual shyness. Will they accept me for what I want to be? Will this practice I have been coming into form into a family feud and come to divide my filial ties into two?

I still do not know. But I must know begin to consider the time at which I must reveal myself to my family, as potentially something that they do not know me to presently be. It is shocking to know that family members and daughters and sons and siblings change, but it is an ever present force that dominates us all.