Good morning and happy Tuesday! Once more I have found my way to internet and wifi here on this RV campsite, and I am extremely grateful to be talking to all of you again. I miss my daily blogging habits, and will be sure to return to them once I get back home.
An update on my travels since I have spoken with you last--I have been pouring over my pintrest and twitter accounts, getting what little I can attached to the Tarot Daily accounts if any of you follow that. My little sister has just begun her journey in the college realm, and has chosen TCU (Texas Christian University) to be her home. We just finished the orientation yesterday, and I tell you! Two days filled from 8 am to 7pm with information about the school is the longest orientation I have ever heard of! But it just shows how much the school cares about its students and I am happy that my little sister has the opportunity to go to a place where the facutly and staff care so much.
I was mistaken as a student the entire time, though, which made me realize how young I must look still. Having graduated college at 20 years of age has left me with a youthful appearance that does not render thoughts of a recent graduate, but an incoming college student.
It was a learning experience to be mixed in the campus's throng of people, taking in the different perspectives and learning practices. This school was far different from my own though, and I was left a little shocked that colleges are not all liberal like UC Santa Barbara (not that I should really be all that surprised). I appreciate TCU's conservatism for my little sister, because I believe she needs something to give her a more structured perspective and a more constructed atmosphere. But, and I say this with pure intentions, I truly believe that UCSB made the difference to me, and provided things that I absolutely needed to learn and know. I probably wouldn't be the free-spirited, magic-loving, curious spirit that I am today without the constant exposure to everything through the rose-colored lens of the hippie-loving Santa Barbara lifestyle. And I will always miss the beach.
I might even be a little homesick of the place, and the growing disdain I had for living in Isla Vista has been replaced by a hollowness that used to house my favorite hiding places in downtown Santa Barbara or the little shop where I would go to buy my tarot decks. I do hope that my next living place will have me in a location where I can once more find hiding places and drift amongst the curious and spiritually deep philosophies and items of a new and emerging world.
Now! On with the reading today! I asked my deck and the spirits of goodness and light to show me answers to questions I both want answered and still do not know I have. When I drew the Queen of Cups, a familiar presence came over me and filled me with the flowing mysteries and mystic knowledge of the mermaid queen. I have drawn this card before, and like times where I draw a card multiple times, it becomes more and more natural for me to know what they try to tell me.
The Queen of Cups fills me with peace and deep understanding, especially as she stares at her cup, giving such extensive consideration to the content that hides inside. The Queen, being a female representation of the suite of cups, comes to symbolize emotion, feminine intuition, and a female spiritual insight that spurns from a motherly interest in worldly affairs. She sits at the cups of an ocean, her feet sitting on colorful pebbles and stones that have been softened and churned by the changing tides of the ocean. She holds a cup, which looks a lot like the Arc of the Covenant with the opposing angels and cross that rests at the top. She sits at a stone throne, adorned with fish, sea-nymphs and shells. She is dressed in a light blue gown, and wears a cape that mirrors the movement of the sea. She stares intensely at the cup she carries, which holds an innate truth only she is privy to. She represents all that is emotionaly, much like the goddess Aphrodite who was born from the ocean in a shell. She also represents the depth of the unconscious and the strength of intuition, reflected by the water present in the card commonly representing the subconscious in the tarot. Her feminine prowess speaks volumes about the power of intuition and inner spiritual strength.
But drawing this beautifully powerful woman in reverse is a slightly negative message that everything is not going all that well with internal emotions and spiritual expression. For me, I am sure this is representing the bottled up spirituality that I still harbor in my heart, and my lack of discipline to reveal my innermost desires and practices (namely my witchcraft and magical inclinations). I am subverting the Queen's power and influence in my life, supressing the will of my subconscious and the inner strength that wishes to show its colors to people so dearly. I am finding that this feeling is beginning to show itself in the form of emotional confrontation with my mother, since I am most convinced that she will show me the least amount of respect and regard in terms of my religious choices. This confrontational drive is draining the life and spirit from my fellow family members and making the motorhome trip more exahusting and draining than it should be. Everyone is not in sync with one another, which is making everyone a victim of stress and demoralization. I know that most of this spiritual and emotional distress is probably a side-effect of my spiritual shyness. Will they accept me for what I want to be? Will this practice I have been coming into form into a family feud and come to divide my filial ties into two?
I still do not know. But I must know begin to consider the time at which I must reveal myself to my family, as potentially something that they do not know me to presently be. It is shocking to know that family members and daughters and sons and siblings change, but it is an ever present force that dominates us all.